BAND. ¢Ü You Really Got Me

¢Ü Girl, you really got me goin'

¢Ü You got mo I don't know what I'm doin'

¢Ü Yeah, you really got me now

¢Ü got me so I can¡¯t sleep at night

¢Ü Yeah, you really got me now

¢Ü got me so I don't know what I'm doin'

¢Ü Oh, yeah, you really got me now

¢Ü got me so I can't sleep at night

¢Ü You really got me

¢Ü You really got me

¢Ü You really got me

(Angry shouting)

¢Ü I always wanna be by your side

¢Ü Girl, you really got me now

¢Ü You got me so I can¡¯t sleep at night...

- You took your time.
- How many times

- I don't dance. Nobody's dancing.
- Oh, just the one.

We never go out.

For me.

- For me.
- This is your fault.

- What have I done?
- It's your bleedin' party.

- She did it again. She's looking.
- She's not.

She is. And again. Go over there, go on.
Just go up and say hello. Do it.

She's just... I...

"Can I get you a drink?. "
Just say, "Can I get you a drink?. " Go on.

Excuse me

Um... Can I get you a drink?.

Seemed like a good idea at the time.

Night out, like the old days,
celebrate the divorce.

Seems a bit daft now.

Yeah.

But you must be sort of...

..don't know...glad.

I left him eight months back.
Today's just a piece of paper.

- I never liked him.
- I wish you'd said.

I did.

Yeah.

Fiona's given me the number of this...
(Clears throat)..dating agency thing.

How sad is that?

- You should try it. You¡¯re sad enough.
- We'd end up like...

They'd pair us up with each other.

About time...

according to that lot.

That¡¯d be kind of...

-..I don't know...weird.
- Thanks.

Good sort of weird.

Costs 80 quid to join the agency.
We could save the money.

How do you mean, like?

160 quid between us.

It's a bargain.

And...bear in mind I've been drinking.

WOMAN: Judy! Judy!

Someone's got my coat

Where's my coat?!

Hold on... She's drunk.

Don't go thinking that meant anything.

¢Ü Percussive musicbuilds

(Laughs)

(Bird screeches)

MAN: Jesus'.
(Car tires screech)

(Pants breathlessly)

WOMAN: Don't touch him

He'll have needles in his pockets and all sorts

MAN: Just get on the phone. Call an ambulance
Where are we?

The A635, about ten mile north.

You¡¯ll be all right, son.

MAN: What's your name?

- (Pants breathlessly)
- Can you tell me who you are?

(Whispers) I'm the son of God.

That's right, lad...

..and I'm the Queen of Sheba.

He's a mutter.

NURSE: Has he got a history of this?
MAN: No, nothing.

Nothing like this.

Mind you, his mother had problems.

Seeing things, hearing voices - all that.

We were divorced.

She committed suicide ten years back

- (Nurse sobs)
- Have you got anywhere to stay?

No, I just drove straight up here.

Oh, don't tell me - I've got to pay for an hotel.

There's a couple of B&Bs.
I can get you some numbers if you want.

(Nurse sobs)

Catholic. It was on the news.

The Pope's dead.
A couple of hours back. Died in his sleep.

Anyway, I'll get you those numbers.

(Camera beeps)

Non mi preoccupa che ora sia.

Penso che sia accaduto,

penso proprio che sia accaduto.

Dio, cci salvi!

¢Ü Thudding dance beat

Judith! Judith!

It's me

Johnny Tyler.

Just the one, then you've got to go.

- Who said I'm going?
- They usually do.

"Nice to meet you, never mind, bye."

If you don't mind me saying,
you've changed a bit since that video tape.

That's about three years ago now.
The agency keep telling me to change it.

I don't know. You get past 30,
it just keeps piling on.

If it's any consolation,
I'm not exactly Kate Moss.

Don't be da.You're gorgeous

I'm surprised at you using the agency.
You can¡¯t be short of offers.

- Divorced
- Yeah.

He must be an idiot.

I think he is, yeah.

Hey, we could eat. They do food, it's nice.

- They do paella next door, if you'd rather.
(Mobile phone rings)

Oh, I'm sorry. I should've turned it off.

I¡¯m busy. Can I call you back?.

(Raucous laughter nearby)

When?

Who said?

Well, what the hell's he doing there?

Um...

No, no, I'm in town.

I was just... Look, can you hold on?

I¡¯m sorry, I've got to go.

- An emergency?
- It's this friend of mine. He's in hospital.

You¡¯ve really got to go. Big emergency.

Honest to God, I¡¯m not making it up.
This friend disappeared a few weeks ago.

- That's a good one.
- He's been missing

for six weeks.

It was in the papers.

Thanks, then, Judith.

It was nice to meet you. Bye.

I¡¯m sorry.

Bitch!

Yeah, his dad phoned. He's driven up there.

He said they found him by the side of the road,
middle of the bloody moors.

Oh, hang on. That's Dave.

- They found Steve.
- Alive?

Yeah, just wandering about on Saddleworth.

DAVE: Bedtime, you. five minutes.

And here's the best bit -
he's lost it completely, and I mean completely.

- He's only saying he's the son of God.
Judith: What?

Y eah. Y eah, his dad said, like really,
seriously, that's what he's saying.

- I mean, he's not injured or anything?
- No, just mental.

But what's he doing in Yorkshire?
How did he get there?

Go knows. Shows a bit of initiative, anyway

for a man who's never been further
than the chip shop.

He must've flown there on wings.

- What's the name of the hospital?
- Dunno. What for?

You¡¯re not going over there?

This time of night, all that way? Don't be daft

Judy, what are you like?

Judith: What does that mean?

Nothing.

It's a bit far.

He could've...

(Sobs)

Oh, you soft thing.

- I told you he'd be all right
- Yeah.

The bastard.

- He's alive.
- Yeah

Alive and mad

- No change there, then.
- (Chuckles)

(Sirens wail)

- What for? What's he done?
- I've no idea.

It's a demand from the Italian government.
We just fetch and carry.

- Is he a terrorist?
- They haven't said.

We've got a man who can identify him -
a priest, of all things.

- A priest?
- Yeah.

(Siren wails)

Excuse me. Mr. Francis Baxter?

- What is it? What's happened?
- If you could come with me, sir.

The police are just following orders.

The Vatican has asked certain favors
of the British government to track you down.

They don't need to give a reason...yet.

All we want to do is talk to you.

- Is your mother still alive?
- Y es.

Do you want her to wake up
with her legs turned to stone?

Then leave me alone. Work starts tomorrow.

Right now, piss off.

You can¡¯t threaten me.

- Where'd you go to school?
- Winchester.

- Is that posh?
- It's a public school.

Pardon me if I haven't got any manners.
Do you want a chip?

No.

- So, how did you find me?
- It was a hidden text

The Book of Gerasenes.
Discovered after the sacking of Rome.

What, like, "A lamb shall disappear
in the city to the north"?

Um...

actually, something like that, yes.

Gerasenes ends
with a sequence of numbers and letters,

which later turned out to be degrees
of latitude and longitude and the date,

even allowing for the Gregorian calendar.

You¡¯re kidding?

And that's the welcoming committee - you?

Not many believed it.

Look, the thing is... What's your name?

- Father Dillane.
- First name. Christian name.

- (Steve laughs)
- James.

James, the minute I start,

it's never going to stop. Never, right?

I want a night, that's all, one night.

I want to get pissed
and I want to see Judy. Please.

Look, you said tomorrow.
What are you going to do?

- I don't know. You¡¯ll find out tomorrow.
- How can you not know?

Made flesh. Human.

Can't be human and omniscient
at the same time.

Anything could happen, anything.

And the thing is, I won't know till it happens.
There's no warning, no...

It won't be easy getting people to listen.
Some of us have been trying for years.

And some of you
have been shagging choirboys.

Some of us..

we...we've...

How dare you?

Some of us.. most of us..

Every day, someone is laughing at us.
Every day, someone tears us down.

- And you're doing the same.
- That's it.

That's more like it. You¡¯re one of the few, Jimbo.

If people don't listen to you,
if people don't believe you...

..what happens then?

Are we damned?

I could kill you.

Sorry.

Do you remember that night?
I've been thinking about it ever since.

Can't have been much of a kisser.
Made me feel great, that did.

You don't smoke.

Give it back, then. They're not cheap.

You can feel it.

We were outside. Do you remember?

And I was drunk OK?.

- Then I went back in...
- I remember it all.

How did you end up all the way out there?

I got the train

Spent the night in Leeds.
Then I got a bus. Then I walked.

When they found you,

your dad said you were saying
all sorts of bollocks,

but that's just, like, hypothermia, right?

It weren't that bad on the moors.
I took a bag of food with me. Pork pies and stuff.

I love pork pies.

Mind you, by the last week I was eating moss.

You don't think you went mad?

Eating moss. You didn't think
"Wooh, gone a bit mental"?

Too much to think about.

As soon as they announce the Second Coming,
that's when it goes mental.

Outside the club that night, that was it, just click.

None of that Heavenly-Father-
with-a-booming-voice bollocks. I just knew.

No idea up till then. Revelation.

We'd better get you checked out, just in case.

- We could go to the MRI. I'll come with you.
- I'm fine. Look at me.

Y eah, but, you know,
we could get you a bit of help.

- What, you mean "help"?
- You were never the full shilling, Steve,

but this is a bit - how can I put it nicely? -
off your bleeding head.

They took. me to the police station.

There was this priest there.
He asked all the questions.

Police stood back, like they're not bothered.

He's asking all about you, going back years.
School days, everything.

- You been nicking lead off the roof?
- No.

- What is it, then?

- He's fine now we've fed and watered him.

- He looks good, don't you think?
- I¡¯m sorry, though.

Fat lot of good that is.

I said I¡¯m sorry and I meant it.
So you forgive me. That's how it works.

Never bloody worked.

Are we having this curry?
I've got work. in the morning.

Curry. Hot. Like, strong, so you can feel it.

There's all this stuff, like cigarettes and drink.
and rain and everything and it's all just burning.

This is the only place you can get that.

- What, Salford Road?

- Earth.

We're the luckiest bastards in creation.
We're alive!

And noise. Noise is just...

You¡¯ve got no idea. Noise is just...

(Car alarm wails)

(Car alarm wails)

MAN: Oi! Was that you?
Judith: Let's go.

MAN: Come here! Did you do that?
- Steve, come on.

We'll walk. away. Are you listening?

Come on. Will you get down? Let's just go.

- Sorry.
(Alarms stop)

STEVE: Taxi!

Now, that's a miracle.

- Ta. I'm going home.
- Thank Good for that.

- Big day tomorrow.
- Oi!.

Give us 20 pence, love.
20 pence for a cup of tea.

I only want 20 pence. I've had nothing all day.

20 pence won't kill you, will it? Go on.

Piss off, then, Judith.

(Sinister chuckle)

I'm awfully sorry. Could you help me?
I seem to be lost.

I'm looking for this.

I keep going round in circles.

It's one of the university buildings.

- Salford University?
- Manchester.

- You¡¯re way out.
- I should know it

- I've been there hundreds of times
- Hang on. I'm useless at this.

My husband used to drive me there.
He died six months ago. Bowel cancer.

Oh, that's awful.

- I'll...I'll just get my bearings.
- Only six months and he was gone

Six months of sleeping and screaming.

Six months of blood and shit pouring out of him.

Where was God then?

Where was that idiot God
when he was screaming?

Ask your precious boyfriend, sweetheart.

Get him into bed, get on top of him and sweat.
Then ask him.

(Sinister chuckle)

(Milk bottles rattle)

(Milk float drives off)

Y es.

(Doorbell rings)
- It's Pete. Come on, open the door.

(Doorbell rings)
- It's me...Pete.

Get your coat on.

What for?

You¡¯ve got to see it.
You¡¯ve got to come and see it.

(Mouths)

CROWD: ¢Ü Onward Christian Soldiers

¢Ü Christ, the royal master

¢Ü Leads against the foe...

Good job I didn't send 'em my photograph.

There's been nothing advertised.
I've had the radio on all day.

There's cars from France.

- Is it a Commonwealth thing?
- This was you?

Yeah. Internet.

I posted a message. Well, I announced myself.

This lot have been waiting for years.

Bunch of anoraks, mind you. Nutters.

Probably had three Messiahs
in the last six months.

Off the internet?

Couldn't you just look. porn
like everyone else?

PETE: But it's open. They've got the gates open
How's that happened? What's it all for?

The arrival of the son of God on this earth.

- Me.
PETE: Oh, shite.

Steve, you can come with me now

- or you can forget it.
- I¡¯m staying.

Right.

Because you're sick, do you know that?
This whole thing is sick.

These people, they'd turn up
for any old lunatic, and do you know why?

Because they need it. They need someone
You've given them hope

They've come here, and what do they get?
Nothing.

Were you all right last night?

Did you get home all right?

Why?

Because they'll be looking for you.

You¡¯ve seen them, haven't you?

MAN: It's not my problem, mate

CROWD SlNGS:
¢Ü He's got the whole world in His hands

¢Ü He's got the whole world in His hands

¢Ü He's got the whole world in His hands

¢Ü He's got you and me, brother, in His hands...

- Vodka tonic.
- That's a double by the looks of it.

- Are you all right?
- Mm.

¡Ì2.1 0.

Pint?

I'm just going.

OOK

And a pint for the gentleman.

Mr Baxter, as I understand it,

you gained access to the ground.

- You asked people to come.
- There's murder, rape and arson out there.

- Go and do some proper work.
- I¡¯m sorry if I've caused a fuss.

- Let me talk to them, then we can go home.
- That's not advisable.

Father, there's a hell of a lot of prayers uttered
here but that doesn't give you any jurisdiction.

If you're getting orders from Rome,
can you get me a pizza?

- Give me five minutes. I can get authorization.
- Give me two minutes with them,

then you can arrest me if you still want to.

- Can't do any harm.
- Bingo.

I¡¯m not stalking you or anything.

I work. just round the corner.
Mulvaney's, the printers.

I do the transport.

Lucky, though, seeing you again.

Well, just the one drink, then I'm off.

Yeah, I'm used to that.

Oh, don't start.

Sorry.

Hardly surprising, though, is it?
Size of me.

I've had 1 6 dates off that agency.
It's not even the first agency I've been to.

Yeah, it's not easy out there.

Every time, I dress up, iron a shirt.

I've got a packet of Smints in every jacket.

Then she sees me and I get that look.

One drink, just the one.

Then home I go.

Home.

To satisfy myself over some whore
in a jazz mag.

Cos that's who we are, Judith.

Life's lost.

Evil's such a lazy thing.

God...God's got everything.

God's got life and love. And we're the opposite.

We've got nothing.

So we hitch a ride.

We jump on the back of useless souls.

We're waiting for you, Judy.

Stan!

- Stan!
- What's he done?

- What have you been saying to her?
- Nothing.

- Get out.
- I haven't done anything.

- Get out before I throw you out.
- That's nice. Thanks a lot!

I said I suppose a shag's out of the question.

Looks like she needs it.

- (Shouting)
STEVE: Taking the Lord's name in vain

Just listen to me. Just give me a chance.

- Just listen
- You shall repent.

Please, just...just listen.

(Heckling)

- You are a sinner. May you rot in hell.
- Will you just listen?

OFFlCER: Right, there's only 200 nutters
Let's shift 'em

OK, let's get him out of here. Come on.

I'll get him. Let me.

(Heckling)

Nice try, mate. Let's go.

- I don't know what to do.
- I thought the son of God knew everything.

Tiny little brain. It's like...

I can¡¯t hold it all in my head.

It's like the whole of divinity. It's like er...

It's like it downloads

a bit at a time

I'm supposed to be doing summat right now.

There's a reason you're here.

That's to start the car.

No, it's you. It's cos...

What is it?

What is it? It's...

What's in there?

What's in your pocket?

Sunnies, receipts and stuff.

Oh, that's it. That's it. Thanks, Pete. Nice one.

- Steve, they're gonna lock you up.
- Hey, do you remember that song?

"The future's so bright, I've got to wear shades."

Oh, God.

Steve.

You¡¯ve got to see this! Come and have a look.
It's Maine Road. You¡¯ve got to see it!

Whole town can see it.

You can see it from here.

I don't know. It just goes all the way up,
all the way up into the sky.

(Dog barks)

(Whimpers)

(Turns TV on and surfs channels)

First reports of a fire inside the stadium
are now being denied

This is a live feed

We've got pictures coming live from the ground

This isn't a recording. It's daylight

It's daylight inside the stadium
and it's night outside

There's no explanation for the light
It's daylight inside

This isn't a hoax. There's no explanation

This is the work of God and I'm his son

God in human form

No haloes, no white robes, no floating about

Flesh and blood. Got that?

Because God is real. Fact

Heaven is real. Fact

Hell is real and burning and waiting. Fact

I am salvation and I'm taking you forward
All of you

A brand-new gospel for the entire human race
coming soon

Stay tuned

This is now referred to
as the Maine Road Event

At 20: 55 last night, a column
of what appeared to be daylight

the exact radius of the Maine Road stadium

was projected into the night sky

The event persisted for a total of eight hours
fading only at dawn 5: 30 GMT

During that time, it is estimated
that over 300 cameras

from practically every television station
in the world, arrived in Manchester

That's an estimate of 2,000 hours
of video footage

all recording the same event

- How can it be fake? 2,000 hours
- No, no, no.Now. Look.

- I think the question is, how can it be real?
- Never mind the tape

Half of England could see it

NASA recorded a light source
of 5,000 lumens per square meter

(News report in local dialect)

FEMALE NEWSREADER:
As of 1 2 o'clock midday

there has been no statement
from the Government

while the emergency meeting of the General
Synod has yet to confirm or deny..

whether they consider last night's event

to be a miracle or not

..you're causing great offence
to people of my faith

and many faiths worldwide

I could understand if he suddenly appeared
in the Middle East, in Israel, or Palestine

But in the north of England?

The suicide rate across the United States
has rocketed overnight

with over 300 suicides
reported across 40 states

On today's show, men who think they're Good

This is the man whose face has been broadcast
across the world

A Salford man with no qualifications

Mr Baxter was formerly employed
at the Easy Rent Video store

but Easy Rent Video has declined to comment

Stephen Baxter's father. Francis Baxter

was fined in 1 976 for possession of cannabis

He was then arrested in 1 979

for the possession of stolen goods

and received six months in jail

This was followed
by a further sentence of three months in 1 991

Stephen Baxter has proclaimed
the Second Coming,

announcing that he is the son of God,
and God made flesh,

(Shouting)

A statement made this morning by the Church
of the Blessed Apostle in Houston. Texas,

has called the event an Annunciation,
welcoming, and I quote,

"welcoming the Son of the Lord our God
and awaiting his judgment and salvation, "

I can't. I can't do it,

WOMAN: Mais il est malade,

Il va mourir, Si vous le touchez..,
Touchez-le, s'il vous plaitt,

It doesn't work like that.
It's not what I'm here for.

Il va mourir et vous pouvez le sauver!

- Sauvez sa vie, s'il vous plait, monsieur.
- You can¡¯t test me. If he's dying, he's dying.

He's going to paradise.

Salaud! Salaud!

(Cameras click)

Yeah, yeah,

Just one question, One question at a time,

Does he know any French?

Does he know French?

I don't know, Does he know French?

- O-level, but he failed that,
- She was at school with him,

Do you believe he's the son of God?

I dunno. I mean,
I don't want a bolt of lightning or nothing,

I've got kids,

Thing is. Steve¡¯s like my best friend,

We've been hanging out for years,

- Lying bastard!
- I got him that job,

I'm his bloody friend, not you.

Excuse me, Excuse me, Let us through now,

Looking for someone..,

..someone blind,

No,

No, Anyone, really,

Well, not anyone, but I mean..,

Blonde, brunette,

Sort of..,er..,

you know, anyone nice, really,

I suppose that's what you want,

(Rewinds)

John Grisham. That sort of thing,

Um..,

Looking for someone..,

..someone blind,

..someone blind,

..someone blind,

Oh, shit, shit!

Shit! Shit!

(Siren)

(Shouting)

Are we charging him, sir? What with?

We can¡¯t arrest him. They'll tear the place down.

We can¡¯t let him out. They'll tear him to pieces.

I've got to talk to that lot out there.

That's what happens next.
I know it now. I talk to 'em.

- You¡¯ll start a riot.
- If Stephen wants to make a public statement...

The Father's just leaving.
Escort him off the premises.

- What have I done?
- You being here is a statement.

It gives the Catholic Church authority.

A lot of people
are going to be pissed off with that, so out.

- I only want to help him.
- He's right. There's no official church any more.

- There's just me. I want to talk to them.
- No way.

Let him talk.

We haven't got enough men as it is, sir,

The city¡¯s gone mad. There's people
walking up the motorway to get here.

- Give them what they want and let him talk.
- With respect, sir,

I mean...this goes beyond Manchester.

I¡¯m not sure it's your decision.

I know.

And I have my instructions.

We let him talk,,,,

JON SNOW: These events are a matter of..,

STAN: He's on. Any second. Broadcasting live.

OI, Dave, you bastard!

- Did you get paid for going on telly?
- They offered. He didn't ask.

What do you think, then, Pete?
Reckon it's real?

- You saw it.
- Y eah. I've seen David Blaine levitate.

- It's all tricks.
- Don't talk like that.

- Talk Like what?
- What if he can hear you?

- Don't be stupid.
- She's been in church all morning.

- It were packed out.
- Ssh, here we go.

(Cheering)

MAN: Hallelujah!

(Silence)

You are becoming gods.

There's a new master of creation, and it's you.

You¡¯ve unraveled DNA. You¡¯re five years away
from building your own people.

And at the same time,

you're cultivating bacteria strong enough
to kill every living thing.

Do you think you¡¯re ready for that much power?

You lot?

You lot?

You cheeky bastards!

They've taken him off. Stan, lTV.

He swore.

Two o'clock BBC ONE.

He swore!

You're running around science
like kids with guns,

creating a new world,
while the world you've got is stinking,

Go on, Hands up,

Hands up, anyone who thinks you've got it right.

(Laughs)

Y eah, there's always one.

I can see you.

If you want the position of God,
then take the responsibility.

And I'm like you.

I've been you. Knowing it's all going wrong
and doing nothing about it.

Keeping my head down,

Giving a quid to charity, signing a petition,
talking about it down the pub,

Laughing about it and doing nothing, even now,

Right now, I want to do nothing. I want to...

go home, shut the door,

and pretend this isn't happening, but I can¡¯t.

I can't.

Because I was born the son of God.

And the son of God came once before
and gave you a testament, and you ignored it,

This time, there'll be a Third Testament.

A new foundation for the way you live your lives.

And the Third Testament will be written

by you.

You¡¯ve got five days.

In five days, the Third Testament
will be delivered to me, and we start again.

Every country, every religion starts again.

And don't...

Don't argue,

All you Christians out there,

don't go round saying you were right
and everyone else was wrong,

Forget all those divisions,
all that history, all that bollocks,

Forget it. It's gone. Forgotten,

It's starting again from scratch right now,

Cos you've got to,

I've seen it,

You stupid, stupid people,
I've seen what you've done,

It's finally happened,

Heaven is empty,

And hell is bursting at the seams,

(Shouting)

OFFlCER: So, how about it?

It was going to be converted into offices.

But you've just eaten up next year's budget
all in one day.

We can put in a bed, a couple of armchairs.

The thing is, if we put you in the cells,

there's people out there
ready to declare holy war on us.

Those that aren't declaring holy war already.

So, how about it?

Till we think of something better.

Yeah.

OK

- Do you want a cup of tea or something?
- Y eah.

- Milk. and sugar?
- Just milk,.

Bang goes the worldwide sugar market!

It's Len, by the way.

Len Chadwick.

So, what happens now?

This Third Testament...
We're supposed to write it, but what do we do?

I mean, do we all sit down and write it together?
How does that work?.

Or does everyone write their own version
and you pick the best one?

- How do we write it? What is it?
- I'll know it when I see it.

Y eah, well, how will you get to see it?

I don't know.

Take it upstairs. The whole lot's going upstairs.

Ta.

TANNOY:. Dr Thomas to Radiology,

Dr Thomas to Radiology,

(Punches in phone number)

(Microwave beeps)

(Phone rings)

ANSWERPHONE:
If that's the press. I've got nothing to say,

STEPHEN: Hiya, it's me,

Jude, are you there?

Oh, come on, Pick, up,

TV:. and the Third Testament will be written...

STEPHEN: I was just wondering how you are,
- Y eah, yeah.

I knew you were there.

- Where else would I be?
- How's things?

Interesting.

Where are you?

Police station, top floor.
They've locked me away in the attic.

- I can see your house from here.
- (,Judith laughs)

I had the afternoon off, thanks to you.

Half the kids didn't turn up.
Too busy watching TV.

Nothing's changed there, then.

Do you think they¡¯ve tapped the phone?

It's a mobile. I nicked it. They don't know.

You¡¯ll go to hell.

Be nice to see you.

I can see you now. Trevor McDonald special.

They'd let you in if I told 'em,

I've got...things to do, Steve, you know.
My life doesn't just stop cos of you.

Do you believe me?

Just say yes or no.

No.

OK,,,,

All right, then. Go on, then. Convince me.

Who's writing this Third Testament,
cos they're all meeting?

Every synod and synagogue and mosque.
You¡¯re going to get five million testaments.

And I don't want that lot deciding for me. Steve,
cos it's all bollocks. It's just..,

Look, er...I said that I'd go round to Pete's,
so I'd better go.

And, um...you know, take care of yourself.
I'll see you.

LEN: The Third Testament.
They're coming from everywhere.

Letters, video tapes, phone calls, e-mails.

French, Japanese,
bloody Esperanto, you name it.

- How many more to come?
- Three lorries stuck on the M6.

That's just the lot we've processed.
We're checking them for explosives, anthrax,,

There's five times this lot still in the warehouse.

- So, you'd better make a start.
- I can¡¯t read 'em all.

Exactly. Y eah.
Bit of a flaw in the plan, if you ask. me.

LEN: And what if it¡¯s not even here?

What if someone somewhere out there
is thinking about the Third Testament?

What if they think of the exact words you need,
but they can't write it down?

If it's locked away inside their head,
how can you find it?

JUDY FlNNlGAN ON TV:
We will be staying on air all day,

And we'll be taking your calls,
What's your testament?

What do you think? What rules
would you lay down for the future of mankind?

Call us now,
One of you might have the right answer,

RlCHARD: You could save the world, live on air.

JUDY: If you're upset by the miracle
or Baxter's demands,

if your children are upset or scared,

then we've got trained counselors standing by,
ready to take your calls,

RICHARD: You know,
that's what I love about this,

I don't care who Stephen Baxter is,
I just don't care,

But at least he's got us all talking,
You know, religion, it's like the final taboo,

It's the one thing
that we're all still really embarrassed about,

WOMAN: We pray she's up there
looking down on us,

(Wailing)

(Commotion on TV)

Can I help you?

Um...this is going to sound, er...daft.
The other night, I met this woman

and she was coming here
to the university, to this room.

It was two in the morning.
I don't suppose there'd have been anyone here.

At two o'clock. in the morning? Sh, sh.

Have you seen this?

..arriving all the time,

And the people coming out, they're saying..,

Well.., I don't know,
They're say...they're saying it's true,

And then there's the light,

It just doesn't stop, Look, at it,

I.., I mean. I think, it's true,

I don't know,

- They keep playing that bit.
- I don't know. I think, it's real,

She's actually starting to believe,
and they've caught it on camera.

I think, it's real. I don't know,

I don't know,

I think, it's real,

(Shouting)

I was in school with him.

Stephen Baxter. I've known him for years,

Anyway,

sorry to have bothered you.

Thanks very much.

Don't suppose you'd like a coffee?

Everyone can see what it is,
but the important thing is what it's not.

It's not shining white light.

It's not some mystical shaft of heaven
beaming down. It's just daylight.

A great big chunk of daylight.

It might even be a specific day.

If you looked at the weather reports,
you could work. it out.

Maybe it's just Tuesday.

The Event happened

Thursday evening, and there's a great big chunk
of Tuesday in the middle.

Could you prove it?

- With the right information, yeah,
- Have you told anyone?

They might not.
You should tell someone cos it's proof.

It doesn't explain how it happened but it's a start.

It's proof of what?

That it's real, like you said.
That it's not heavenly, or...

So, it's reduced to a physical process,
a trick of the light instead of a miracle?

- Y eah.
- Not with you,

Tuesday afternoon
is dragged into Thursday night.

I think it proves the opposite.
It's...an act of God.

You can¡¯t believe that!

But this is exactly
what science is headed towards.

Some sort of design.

What more proof could you want?

He could start with a proper miracle.

A chunk of daylight?

What about food?
Millions of starving people. He could feed them.

Y eah, but we could feed them,

if we made the effort.

Maybe that's the plan.

Well, you could always go to the top.

- Ask,,,, Steve.
- He's locked up.

He hasn't got time for the likes of me any more.

Anyway...

I just...I just don't get it.

Someone sort of left me a note, led me here,

but I get here and I find you,
another believer, showing me proof.

It's like someone wants me to believe,

or needs me to believe or...

- What for?
- Well...exactly.

There's nothing important about me.

Mr Baxter himself
still refuses to submit to interview

and has made no definite statement regarding
the exact physical nature of his origins,

Police have yet to make a statement,
but this newsroom has..,

They said five minutes.

Grove Street Hospital
has confirmed the results of tests

conducted on Mr Francis Baxter,
the apparent father

of Stephen Baxter,

Francis Baxter has a condition
known as Klinefelter Syndrome,

which has rendered him infertile since birth,

The syndrome makes it impossible
for him to have fathered Stephen Baxter,

What's that all about? What does that mean?

- Well, like they said. Haven't they told you?
- That's what I¡¯m waiting for, my results.

But everyone's talking about it. Everyone knows.

You¡¯re shooting blanks, mate.

It's official. That's the result. You're sterile.

How do you know?
How do they know? How's it on the telly?

..of freak, genetic circumstances

which could make this possible,

They told them before they told me.

It's on the bloody telly! It's on the telly!

..any modern Christian understands

the Virgin Birth to be symbolic, not literal,

FRANClS: Tell me.

Tell me, you bastards!

I'm his bloody father!

Where's that doctor?

Eh? Where is he?

Where's that doctor? Where is he?

Where is he?

It's on the telly!

It's on the telly!

TV: francis Baxter has refused to comment,

but sources inside the hospital indicate
that he knew nothing about his sterility until now,

He is said to be distraught and is threatening..,

(TV off)

Beautiful.

There's only four days left,
so who writes this Third Testament?

Who's in charge?
Cos they'll have so much power.

I've started writing and so should you.

No. He told us. He commanded us.

We do that all the time. That's what the law is.
That's common sense.

How can you say we don't need it?

People are scared. They're panicking.

If we write the rules,

that's going back to fundamentalism.

You¡¯ve never even read the New Testament.

- Because it hasn't worked.
- It's a marvelous book.

- I've always believed it.
- You a Christian? I thought you were a Muslim.

I've always been a Christian.
My mum was a Christian.

And, yeah, all right, I don't talk. about it
cos you lot take the piss.

But...this is Steve.

Even if the son of God exists, there's five billion

people on this planet and who gets chosen?

- Steve.
- That's the point. He's ordinary. He's nothing.

He's so nothing.

You¡¯ve seen him get pissed.
You¡¯ve seen him get three O-levels.

You¡¯ve seen him with a cold,

with the flu, with shits...

When he was 1 5, he went shoplifting
and he came back with three pens.

This is Steve. It's just Steve.

Stupid, ordinary...Steve.

TV: Our next caller is Johnny from Manchester,
Are you there, Johnny?

Hiya. Wiggsy, Remember me,
I'm always on. It's me,

So, are you writing a testament, Johnny?
Do you think this is for real?

Course it is, Absolutely,

Stephen Baxter is the real deal. Wiggsy,

- People don't believe him,
- That's easy,

Nobody believes anything these days,
That's why we need Baxter,

The Nazarene came 2,000 years ago
and we abandoned him.

Now it's all starting again.

Now we can be prepared.

- Prepared for what, Johnny?
- The war?

- Stephen Baxter had his 21 straight here!
(Phone rings)

I've told you! Buy a drink,
then you can ask. questions!

Bag of crisps ¡Ì5.50!

Lee.

Y eah?

Hiya. It's me - Steve.

I need a favour. A big favour.

You¡¯ve got 1 9quid owing behind the bar
since last Christmas.

Pay that and I'll see what I can do.

(Mobile phone rings)

LEN: Look at him.

Daft bugger,

- All right, Keith. Haul him in.
- Let him go.

Sir?

Let him go.

With respect, sir, he's not safe outside.

They'll string us up.
Whitehall gave specific instructions.

I know the instructions.

(Car horn)

MAN: Oi, bastard!
How much are you getting paid?

You liar!

Sorry. It's regulars only.

Oh.

Come on, then.

Cos I read the Bible all last night, and Jesus
says nothing about homosexuals. Nothing.

That's all in Leviticus,

But Jesus chucks that out. So, what do you say?

It's fine by me, but I¡¯m not writing the testament.

Well, I am, and I say it's OK,,

Got that?

Y eah.

LANDLORD: Oi! Are you happy now?

That'll be a pint.
Do you want bitter or holy water?

I'll have the bitter.

Police Radio: He's inside the pub, sir,
What do we do?

I don't bloody know.

The orders are keep back and keep watch.

I've had people phoning me up from all over.

Suki Reynolds. Remember her?

She's living in Hong Kong. Divorced now.

Phoned me up just cos you're on the telly.

Michael Harrigan, he got ¡Ì2,000 off the Sun
just cos he was in school with us.

So, how come you believe me, then?

I saw it,

Not the daylight.

I don't know.

The look. on your face.

So, er...what's it like inside your head?

Y eah.

It's like er...

I keep on thinking about normal things
like food and telly and stuff, but...

behind all that, there's this...

..the whole of creation shoved inside my head.

It's like..,

It's like opening the door
and there's a furnace burning,

The size of it, Pete.

Does it hurt?

Cos I can't help thinking,
the last time this happened..,

Don't laugh, now.

But the last time...

he died.

Yeah.

Eh, I tell you what, mate.
You won't go short of a shag now.

There's women off the internet
begging to sleep with you.

Steve, are you a virgin?

What's that got to do with it?

Are you?

Yeah.

- What about Beverly Jones and Jackie Danicki?
- I lied. I lied!

I said so. Fantastic. That's made my day.

What do we... I mean..,

- What do we call you?
- Steve.

Not Jesus?

I mean, you're like his brother.

Look, I'm asking, all right?

- It's two different aspects,
- Aspects.

- What's wrong with that?
- It's nice to know you think we're pig-shit stupid.

What are we doing, sitting here?

- What do you want us for?
- I want you there with me,

I'm locked up alone.
I might as well be floating on a cloud.

They want me all over,

No-one's saying so in public,

Nobody wants to be the first to admit
that I'm real, but behind the scenes...

- They want me in London, Washington, Rome...
- Why do you have to go to Washington?

- Can't they come here?
- Well, yeah, but...

Make 'em,

Make them come to you.
No bastard ever comes to Manchester.

They always make you travel.
Tell London to piss off!

- Do it from Manchester,
- I will!

That's it. That's what I need.
I'm losing touch. I just need you.

But you're locked up,

I¡¯m not being locked up.

We're sitting here like we always do.

We stayed friends, all of us,

You know, we're down this pub
every other night,

You went off, you got jobs,
you got married, you had kids.

But you kept on coming back.
You kept talking to me.

Even though I was useless.

- It's like we were waiting.
- What does that make us, then? Disciples?

There's no-one like me,

and you're the only ones who know me.

But I can't.

I've got the kids. What's Dave going to say?

I've got the house. It's Jane's birthday next week.

- Bring the kids. Bring Dave.
- Oh, don't bring Dave.

It's all right for you,

All you've got is the video shop.
The rest of us are busy.

All right, stay.

I will.

Well, I'm in.

- Does that include me?
- Course it does, yeah.

What do you think?. Are you coming?

That'd be like saying I believe what you are,
and I don't.

Judith...

I believe that you're psychic or Martian,
but I don't believe you're the son of God.

I don't believe there is a God.
I know there isn't. Fact.

- You can¡¯t say that.
- Yes, she can,

- And you've seen more than anybody.
- Y eah.

- And that doesn't make you think?.
- It does,

But I'm not stupid. If you're so powerful,
you can just change my mind,

If I could do that,

this job would be a piece of piss.

But you were given free will.

What if you fail?
What if there's no Third Testament?

There's only three days left now,

and everyone's talking about it,
but nothing's happening,

If you don't get a testament, what then?

- I don't know.
- You've got to know,

I don't know everything yet.

Come with me.

Find out.